An Ode to My Home

I've been a student at Florida State University for three years going on four but I've never really appreciated the town I'm in until recently. I'm currently in a cafe (All Saints) which is in the more artsy district. I was studying and then I looked up and realized how beautiful this city is. It's different and the people are sweet and intellectually wild. Have you ever just been somewhere, looked up, and felt yourself fall in love? I've had wisps of that emotion throughout the years but not as much as right now. I'm a senior and in a year, Tallahassee might no longer be my place of residence but I know it will still be home. I grew as person here, I met lifelong friends here, and I fell in love with a place for the first time here. It's a mix of students, families, and young working adults.

Every first Friday of every month local business open their shops after hours to the community. They showcase local art and just create this feeling of connection. A connection to the people, the place, and the air around you, if that makes sense. I've gone a few times and have enjoyed every moment. The artists are open and different-- wild in their own ways. The businesses are owned by hardworking lovable people. All Saints is full of multi-ethnic persons, vegans, artists, premed students. People who wouldn't normally hang out together, are here in this cafe studying and enjoying this city together.

I'm in love with this city for teaching me to embrace my inner self. For giving me the opportunity to break out of the shell I created to shield me from my fears. For unceasingly pushing me to identify my bad habits and change in an organic and positive way. I go outdoors a lot more, just like when I was a kid. I hang out with people who I usually wouldn't because they teach me to look at differences for their positive aspects. It was here that I realized how conservative I was but it was also here that I learned to be more open minded and to embrace who I was without discriminating against others who are "peculiar". Just looking around I see people with their friends, smiling, cracking jokes and I am in awe of how a simple cafe can create and exude such happiness. I am going to miss my time here in Tallahassee but I haven't left yet and I fully intend on making my last year worth it. I'm in love with my city. My weird but special and heart warming city that forever and always will be my home.

Take Flight by Lindsey Stirling

I'm currently on my spring break and I'm spending this lovely evening writing to you and watching Lindsey Stirling: Live From London on PBS. Watching her perform I felt the urge to write. She's so incredible because she took something she loved and made it into a career that she likes and is successful. The money she makes is probably great but I mean success is that she can sustain her own self with her passion. The power each person has within their self is so incredible and mind boggling. We can do so much if we apply ourselves. However, we also need to have confidence and the belief that we can do it. In an interview Lindsey Stirling stated that she was told her music wasn't marketable because it was so different. She made her own way and I along with many others can personally tell you we're very glad. The world is full of negativity but be yourself and know you were created perfectly. Stirling also keeps to the same style she's worn since I saw her first videos and it just made me realize that that is a statement of who she is and yes she's different but it's not bad but good. We are all different and if you're accepting of everyone's differences you learn so much and you open up a whole new world. I also think it was pretty amazing that Stirling chose to show her broadcasted concert on public television instead of some high paying network.

PSA

Everyone should take time to be purposefully single. I don't mean being single because you haven't found someone you like or choosing to be single to avoid commitment. I'm talking about being single for the sole purpose of self discovery. This goes for whether you're coming out of a relationship or before getting into one. Regardless of where you are in life, I don't think you can have a very healthy relationship without this. Especially women.

For Women Coming Out Of Relationships: I know you have a decent understanding of yourself but when you're with someone, a part of you changes. It may be a big change or a small one but it's change. Take time to figure out how you're different post relationship from pre Cupid-shooting-an-arrow-to-your-behind and ask yourself if these things are positive or negative. I cannot emphasize enough how important that is. If you don't do it and just jump on to the next relationship, you'll continue to change and not always for the better. Then, all of a sudden, you're a completely different person. Don't lose yourself. Focus on who you and who you want to be. If they aren't the same thing then you should probably spend time bettering yourself before you get into another relationship. It'll do you some good and save you from a mid-midlife crisis.

For Women Who Aren't In Relationships: use this time to get you where you want to be. Now I don't mean if you find Prince Charming you should tell him to come back later when you've reached your ideal self because life doesn't work that way. However, I think if you're just itching to get into a relationship, take a good, long, hard, look at yourself and question why. "I feel lonely" is not the answer, but that's a starting point. The tip of the iceberg. Most girls who are "desperate" have low self esteem and feel validation and confidence when in a relationship and after a while they can't stand being alone.  That's a problem and that kind of mentality won't lead you into having a good and HEALTHY relationship or life.

For All Women, here's a basic list of questions/ things (not in any specific order) you SHOULD have figured out before getting into a relationship and also halfway through one:

- What is your self worth to you and how do you measure it? (Is it positive or negative?)

- Are you afraid (down right terrified) of being lonely or forever alone? 

- What do you like to do? (Hobbies, interests, etc)

- What kind of significant other are you looking for? (Write down the basics he MUST need because Mr. Perfect most probably won't meet every little requirement) 

- What do you want from the future and how willing are you to change this vision? (Self explanatory)

- What kind of activities (not sexual) do you absolutely want to do with a significant other? 

-(In reference to what you answered for the question above, can you do this without a life partner? Why not do all you are capable of now and maybe redo them later or do other things with that person)

- Are you being honest with yourself and not avoiding issues that should be dealt with and figured out? 

Now your answers can change depending on the day or your mood but for the most part, you already know the answers to them. The rest of this piece is for people who have time to read, the biggies were above. 

Even though it's the 21st century, women fall into this trap: an old school ideology that they should seek validation from others. We'll get dolled up for a party with girls we don't know as we would for a date because we feel the need to shine and let people know we're fabulous. Now, that's all fine and dandy but until this need starts affecting your mood and you start prioritizing your acceptance from others over your desire to be happy and comfortable. This is when you need to step back and check yourself. 

You don't need any one person to tell you if you're beautiful or of value. You are inherently worth a lot and perfect. Don't just read this and agree with me for the next thirty minutes, truly get yourself to believe this. If you need to say it every morning and night like a mantra, by all means do it. Understanding your value is SO important in life. Women who undervalue themselves choose guys who undervalue them as well. They get treated with disrespect and they don't even see it. Some see it later and wonder why they let things last for as long as they did and feel even worse. Don't. You zeroed in on the problem, now make sure it never happens again. We all make mistakes and we all live and learn. If a guy isn't waiting on you hand and foot, good because men aren't supposed to be your slave either. Relationships are a mutual give and take situation. Find someone who cares and does about as much as you would. If someone isn't the right fit, don't try and change them. Understand that you can't make two puzzle pieces that don't fit, piece together. You can still be friends of course but don't pour all your energy into something that'll just cause unnecessary stress. Your person should bring out the best in you. 

Back to being purposefully single, take this time to really work on yourself. Get healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually. Spend time with yourself. If you're afraid of being alone, pinpoint what about yourself makes you feel uncomfortable. You are your own best friend because only you love and hate the same things as much as you do and exactly as you do. Being on your own isn't a punishment because you should be the bomb.com to yourself. Get your insecurities in check. No healthy relationship has a woman that is constantly worried about if her partner still likes her. You are perfect just the way you are and he should like you for your character; your looks, are just an added plus. If he's looking for someone else, you'll see the red flags if you pay attention properly. You can do that if you've got a calm head. If not, you'll find red flags everywhere and they might not even exist. This is why if you aren't in the right place of mind, you shouldn't date even if you really really want someone. It won't end well/it'll cause a lot of pain, fear, and depression. Taking this time also helps you gain confidence and understand that a breakup isn't the worse thing to happen. You can survive and thrive. 

"Above all else, guard your heart, because everything you do flows from it" - Proverbs 4:23

*guard your heart by appreciating and loving yourself before you give it to someone else*

*value yourself as God values you and I can honestly tell you that he loves and adores you. Ask him to help you with this. He'll go on this journey with you.*

Youth isn't a race to the altar. It's a time of appreciating, exploring, and learning about all that surrounds you while you've got time, health, and fewer responsibilities.