Where I'm supposed to be

   This week and today especially, I've been reminded of how much my writing has mattered to me. I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to feel fulfilled and happy. I've written a few articles for TeamTSD/ the new PureFandom.com and I've realized that although it is a lot of work, I enjoy it in the end. Even articles I just want to get done with, I've had fun and am very proud of my end product. I've never felt as fulfilled as the moments when my posts are published and people like them. I love writing and I love being myself. With the release of Pure Fandom, I was excited to expand on my abilities, make podcasts, and videos. I was so excited the first day that I couldn't even sleep. I haven't felt that way in years. Pure Fandom has helped me by giving me reason to be productive and to stay on track with school and be more diligent with how I spend my time. I'm learning to break through my fears and rely on my own confidence and be more happy with myself and my work. I am so grateful to God for bringing this wonderful opportunity to me and giving me the chance to see how much of a blessing it is in my life. I have amazing bosses who are continually positive and kind hearted. This past week I've gone to class, done my readings, and posted two long posts. I feel better about myself and I've been able to beat my anxiety back. My sleeping schedule is a bit more balanced and I've gone to my earlier classes. It's so interesting that out of all the things I've done, I would feel so fulfilled from a writing job that I don't even get paid for.

I'm a little nervous with how I'm going to pay off my loans and payments but I'm reminded to trust in God. I don't think I was ever meant to be a run of the mill person. I always deep down knew that I would be someone special because of God. I am grateful for that. My biggest fears are failing at life and having an average one. I'm learning to balance my origins and cultures while being true to who I am. I have been slowly learning to forget to level myself with the Indian ideas of where I should be and what I should have accomplished. I have luckily been given parents who are forgiving and loving in everything I do. I am so lucky to have parents who even in my failures have loved me and pushed me to be truthful and myself. It was so encouraging to hear my mother informing me that I could be a professor even if she haggles me about law school. That is her love over her Indian propriety and I am so blessed to have her in my life. My father, my daddy, has always loved me and even in his strict nature is so concerned with my future and heart that he can be rude but means well. God could have given me different parents but he loved me and knew my struggles so he gave me two individuals that would put aside their thoughts for me even if that's always not the case. I hope I don't disappoint them and I trust God will lead me and push me to become great and make them proud. I love my family oh so much. I was blessed with a younger sister who even though I raised her when she was younger, in my time of need she has shown such great growth and maturity. Our family though not very conventional, has been one that helps the other out. Regardless of our place or privacy. It's a blessing that I feel so comfortable going in my parents' room and talking to them. It's a blessing that I can drink with them and one that I am okay with the simpler things in life when it comes to partying. 

I will never forget how surprised I was when I saw the writing opening for TeamTSD and how funny it was to me considering how much I wanted to do this in high school. Maybe if I started then I wouldn't have been able to apply myself or I wouldn't know better. Either way, God's timing is perfect and this opportunity is amazing. I don't know what the future lies in store for me but I know that God is looking out for me and he loves me and forgives me. I shouldn't take advantage and skip church but be grateful for a merciful and loving God. Thank you so much, Lord. For everything I have. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice so that I may know the Lord and have the ability to go to heaven. Thank you Madhave for always looking out for me. Thank you God for my daddy who I've always loved above all and who has inspired me and loved me. I love my daddy more than anything and I don't know what I would do without him. I love my mommy who though harsh at times is so loving and protective and strong and smart. Thank you so much for such amazing parents. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for my pets whom I adore and who teach us so much about love. We are truly blessed as a family. Amen.